Reject

If someone had to list their fears, I bet one of them would not be listed because they don't recognize it as a fear; they either don't think about it or don't accept it. I'm talking about rejection. Now, most people might try to lie to themselves or others and say that they can handle rejection. Well, this is naive bull shit in the making. Everyone fears rejection; they loathe it, dish it out, take it, and ultimately fear its evil blows. I for one am scared of being rejected. I like to be accepted by most and even though sometimes I put on an FU attitude and make others think that I don't care about what they think, I really do care. I don't like being liked and when I'm rejected it's the worst. If I'm waiting for something big to happen and I don't get it, it's killer. Today I sent a text with a question I didn't know if I wanted to know the answer to yet. When I got the response, I didn't even want to open it and read it. My heart was pounding and I was so afraid of what it would say. Luckily, it turned out ok, but the fear was potent--an acrid bitter drug pulsing through my blood system.

So whoever is out there reading this, think of what you say your fears are and which ones you are leaving out. You might surprise yourself, because I sure did.

(Listening to "Trouble"~~Coldplay "so I turn to run and thought of all the stupid things I've done...")

Poetry Corner: Pretty

I must be pretty.

I must be pretty because I am broken and

pretty things have a habit of being damaged.

Rainbow seas of scallop shells lie on beaches--

shattered.

Some have their edges chipped away,

the abuse of harsh seas.

Some have little holes like self-inflicted wounds.

The pretty ones are always broken.

So I must be pretty,

because I am broken.

(Listening to "Elias"~~Dispatch. "hold my hand just one more time...")

New Wheels

So I got a car! My very own car! My first car! It goes over 30 miles per hour and isn't rusting apart; more than I could ever hope for!!! It's a white/ cream colored Cadillac ElDorado, 1992. I got it from my cousin for free and I couldn't be happier!! The next step, besides insurance and all that stuff, is securing a job to keep it running. And now that I have a car, the possibilities are endless as to where I can work. Well, not exactly endless. I do have a commute-limit. But, a lot more things are open to me now I have a car. WOOO!!!

(Listening to "Got me a Cadillac"~~Dream Girls "got me a cadillac, cadillac, cadillac. Got me a cadillac car, woo woo..." YES!)

Newest Blogging Project

I decided to create another blog that is solely just my stories instead of my emotional ramblings and thoughts of the day. So check it out if you want. It's www.storiesofmusic.blogspot.com. Comment and follow if you like it!!!

It's the final countdown

It's September...and I'm still looking for a job and deciding things for myself. So far, nothing positive on either subject. I'm giving NY a chance till after the cruise. If I am still unemployed and unhappy, then I'm heading back to Indiana and giving it another go around till I discover a job and what makes me happy. The countdown begins...


(Listening to "Giving up"~~Ingrid Michaelson "cause I am giving up on greener grasses..."