Home

I still find it strange how our definition of home is changed over the course of time. Before, it was always where mom and dad was; where your room was with all the stuff you've accumulated over time; where you felt a break from the world, almost. While it's basically the same in that it's where your parents are, etc., the whole concept of home has changed for me.

I now find myself homesick for somewhere that doesn't meet the above criteria completely. I guess home changes as you get older and while it doesn't mean that you love your parents any less, it just means you've outgrown the idea of staying home in a state of constant constancy (if that makes any sense). I'm homesick for the city I've lived in for five years that didn't include living with my family. Now that I'm actually somewhere considered home, I want to go to my 'home' I've had. I miss the independence, the awareness of all my surroundings, the people I grew to know and love.

I use to feel homesick for my family and didn't think that homesickness could refer to anything else. But, I get it now. I've diagnosed my own problem and I miss everything I left behind. At the same time, if I were to go back to the place I'm missing, would I have another homesickness for the place I left? All this sickness is giving me a disease. I was actually watching an episode of Grey's Anatomy where Chang said that Meredith was living at an 8, and I feel like that's how I'm living my life at the moment. I just don't know what the remedy is at this point in my life. I'm still figuring that out. But I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired, that's for sure.

(Listening to "Float on"~~Modest Mouse..."Don't worry even if things end up a bit too heavy, we'll all float on alright...")