One is the loneliest number...

Sentimentality.

Nostalgia.

Some random things that pop into being when the floors stop creaking, the night air begins blowing, and the lights are out. Why is it that the night can bring on such feelings of loneliness even though you've had a fine day, week, etc?

I guess it's because when you're an insomniac like me, you have a lot to ponder about. For instance, I was reading something online, a midnight snack for the brain sort to speak, and I came across people who miss others in their lives. This made me think of the people who have come and gone in my own life. I miss the ones who are still around, and the ones who should still be.

Loneliness.

I've come to accept that it doesn't have to be depressing and mean that you have no friends or family, because I do. I just think that being lonely means that at the end of the day, you want someone to actually end it with. But, if that person isn't there, either because they don't actually appear in your life or other reasons, that is Not where the loneliness I speak of comes from.

It comes from the fact that you are left with your harshest critic, your childhood fears you haven't quite let go of, and all the insecurities you tuck away with the sheets in the bed you made in the morning.

I guess all this rambling means is that I'm afraid to be left alone with my own thoughts, hence making me lonely. I mean, in all honesty, I don't mind keeping myself company. I would have to be crazy to not like myself :) But I guess a busy mind is an easier one to work with, but not when it comes time for sleep. To drown your mind with the lulls of the nothingness that surrounds you as sleep falls upon you.

Is this how insomniacs feel? Am I a insomniac as well as a possible hypochondriac in denial?

See it's things like these that I am left to wonder about and I'm not too thrilled with it. If I had an off switch for my brain, I would press it so that I can lay my head down for the night, both physically and mentally.

All work and no sleep makes the brain a rambling sheep...

Sigh...well I'm going to go off on my own devices now.

Pleasant dreams to those who can dream tonight.

(Listening to "Sleep Don't Weep"~~Damien Rice....I hope I find a place where I feel I belong...this song makes me happy. Though the days are rough...I will do what I must do to find myself)